Slow Descent

It's not just about sex. That's what psychologists and scholars keep writing. I'm kind of unsure. With so much out there now on 'sex' addiction. Maybe it's the act that people are so obsessed with. Maybe it's not intimacy at all.

I begin to think that maybe the educated become disengaged from other lives.

Don't you know people who are all about the release? I mean all my straight friends talk all kinds of game about the act of sex. How much they get it, how they get it, and with who --- very few of them seem to broach the areas of love and intimacy when hanging out with friends.

I'm not saying that's me though. I mean I always wanted that but I wanted intimacy too. I want that moment of laying in bed, warm bodies pressed together, talking and enjoying each other. Passing whispers, warm air --- touch.

The trouble may be that they are moments. Fleeting. Passing me by or forgotten as I wake up to another day of monotony or from that almost-unbelievable, wonderful dream.

Moments then are just that. They don't account for biology. They don't account for physical desire. They don't factor in to male discussions of conquests, yearning, wanting more.

I'm not saying I know what it is I want. I'm just saying that I think about it. I think about it often. I think about it every day.