Tuesday, April 13, 2010
I Wasn't Lying
I do have confessions to make. Number 1, I am a hypocrite. I cheated on my boyfriend. He forgives me I think, but I want to know why i did it. Today's answer is: I had not seen him in two weeks. I was lonely. There are still guys that call me, or want to hang out. I ended up seeing one at a market near my house. He walked around with me for awhile. There was some talking and then a hand touching me. Some whispering and then we ended up in my room. I'm not proud of what I did. I just know that it happened and it wasn't spur of the moment. I love it when people say, 'Oh it just happened.' By using that phrase we make it seem like there was no time for decision making. We all know that's not true. There's always the meet. Then the look. The talk. The travel back to my house or a private place. The walk. Then the actual act itself. Anytime there, we can turn back or make a decision to end things. To characterize it as a flippant decision is dishonest and not very thoughtful. That's my first confession for today.
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ReplyDeleteWe all make mistakes, maybe you will be smart enough to tell your BF. And if not now, then you know concretely what made your relationship fall apart later...if it does.
ReplyDeleteI have been cheated one numerous times, and cheated once on a BF, years ago. But I was very aware of what it felt like to be cheated on, which over-ruled any chance of it happening again.
The main thing is to look ahead to the future, beyond the current moment when you are making that decision to what you really want or how you want see yourself. The end product really sits firmly in your hand.
Maybe because you don't love him deep enough?
ReplyDeleteThere is love where he is the only person on Earth you are interested in, when your heart will beat faster when you see him, like what we may have experienced in our younger days. You would not even think about cheating in this case.
There is love where it is more rational, he is a good company, nice, kind and cute etc...it was not the same as the other kind, but it is a good alternative compared to being alone.
As we get older we realize that the chance of finding the One is pretty low so we settle for someone we are comfortable with, someone more tangible than the perfect One.
Yet he can't satisfy the longing/desire for something more, not completely. And in those moments, you give in.
I'll just leave one thing for you to ponder in the upcoming years/relationships as you learn more about yourself: if society is wrong about gay people then what makes you think they are right about monogamy? You need to ponder all of the values that you're 'supposed to' care about and not just the obvious ones.
ReplyDeleteSex (ejaculating) and love are in unlimited supply so you're not really taking anything away from your #1 guy by having sex with another. If you're not spending enough time with your guy then that's a different story...time is finite.
I do find it interesting how jealous the Thai guys get when I know for a fact that they have other guys on the side. lol. It's an interesting double standard that many of them run. I don't put up with it.
Interesting, if humans were meant to be monogamous, how do you explain Madonna? I do see alot of happy older people in Asia (particularly in China) that don't seem to live without each other. How many of them are there? Can someone out there ask an older Chinese couple about monogamy? Then again, maybe I should just ask an older man. I'm not sexist; I just think the drives are different. Ok, I just got home, that's enough of this tonight ;-)
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