I don't want to focus on one particular thing today. Lately, I've just had a lot of things to stew on, and instead of delving into everything, I just want to write some cursory thoughts I had this week.
First is foreign loneliness. I've been here over a year now, and I read alot about foreigners abroad. I read alot about Asia.
I read alot about foreigners living in Asia.
My general sense is that alot of them/us seem lonely. Maybe it's just the people who have the time to post on the internet :-P... My sense is though that Asia makes for a very difficult cultural acclimation period. I think it has something to do with the way we look. I also think it has something to do with judgment. It's probably our personalities too.
Then again, it might be Thailand. I really only have one Thai friend...
Hm, at least I can always get a dumpling here. I could never find one of those in America :-)...
Ok, so I haven't written about this really before, but I switched jobs recently. Before it was the high school kids, who are now, always writing me on Facebook. The young whipper snappers learn fast :-P.
Anyway, now it's university, and I have a serious issue with some students...
The gay ones know I'm gay, and they want to practice their English :-). They just sense it I think. The gay-dar is acutely tuned here (or maybe it's just that there are so many gay people)... and well....
Yeah, I have gay students now who are "of-age," and learning the proper usage of an invitation :0). That is very dangerous water to tread here, and I have to be really careful --- often playing like I don't realize there is a mutual recognition.
That might not be the way to go by the way....
I need to figure out how to best handle this issue because I have a handful of students that have invited me to Or Tor Kor (however you want to spell it) or their house for dinner or whatever.
Yeah, I haven't told the guy I'm seeing about that so much. I think he knows about Thai students though...
I just haven't fielded the question from him yet, or maybe he just trusts me.
He's the same guy I wrote about before. His English is really excellent, and he seems to understand a good deal of western ways. I appreciate that. I need someone willing to listen to John Mayer, Okkervil River, and Lady Gaga with me....
He treats me with kindness and worries about my health. He gives me back massages after a long day of work, and sings me Thai music as the breeze sifts through my window screens in the cool (for this city anyway) Bangkok afternoons.
The weather has been really great lately. I've decided that I might go to the Northern Provinces near Burma for the holiday...
Today is the King's birthday. That's cool.
I think me and the boyfriend are going to hit Kanchanaburi and stay at a little guest house on the river Kwai. The area is so green and beautiful. I also hear they have an amazing fireworks display at the night market, where I can also supposedly bargain with insistent and hard-line Chinese merchants.
It's going to be a nice holiday I think :-).
I've got to admit, sometimes I am lonely in Bangkok. The place can be really rough for spells, especially in times of loneliness. For a land of smiles, sometimes the foreigners living here do not see them.
I think sometimes I just need to look. They're there. Being out and traveling sometimes just takes you away from the city folk and your bubble. That can be good....
Ok, those are my rambling thoughts for this morning. I have laundry to do, and then it's off to buy some Chinese luck bracelets. Happy King's birthday :-)
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I know plenty of people in my city that feel alone, so it is not just only there. Have a great trip up north, the fresh air will do wonders.
ReplyDeleteExactly. I live in the Minneapolis area and only have one really good friend. I guess it depends on what your experience was like back home.
ReplyDeleteThe Thai that I've known were always very friendly. They also back off quickly if they know that you are taken (Thais only seem temperate until you really make them angry). Perhaps you are just being too vague in this case...
I think you can make thai friends here if you work at it. just you have to work at it anywhere. its just more work than many want to admit or do. as a teacher i warn you to be very careful with your uni kids and being personally social. you will totally get talked about and gossiped about. that can come back to bite you in the butt on the job no matter how harmless it is. bkk seems huge but gay circles are smaller than you realize. takes a few years to really realize that. good luck ...... and take care of the bf or you are going to see some huge jealousy issues you are obviously still getting honeymoon treatment. my bf and I are together seven years and doing fine but its real work.
ReplyDeletetotally agree with teacherbob:) well said.
ReplyDeleteI couldnt comment on teacher/student issues but "heard" plenty of stories of personal favours. one of my friends got approached by a gay teacher, a frenchman, on msn and invited to have sex. he declined and the teacher told him how he could find dozens of better looking boys at chula anyway.
I personally think this is highly scandalous.
It could only be a story of course but knowing why most of us are in Thailand, the reputation must come from somewhere, right?
I can second bob on the gossip thing. Take one out for dinner and the others will get jealous and start backstabbing each other. Etc... You get the point.
One more thing about Thai people, especially gays is that usually they are friendly and sweet and cute and appear unfazed by setbacks, but sometimes all hell breaks loose and jealousy gets extreme. Like extreme, not just a bit drama. So watch out:)
Also, from my experience in a relationship for a few years too, it is real hard work. But I wish you good luck of course! :)
Lol, the students are challenging :-). I have to really keep the wheels turning when I find myself in conversational vicinity (checking homework, working on spoken language, administering speaking tests).
ReplyDeleteI was thinking about this yesterday, and I'm pretty sure I just have to play ignorant as much as possible --- I think. That usually seems to work really well for me in Thailand :-). Agree?
It's not such a big deal really. They're kids and I'm their superior/mentor whatever...
Really, it offends my American sensibility that I would in fact socialize with students outside of the classroom. Most of us just don't do that, and I wouldn't cross that boundary.
The thought actually just makes me uncomfortable, especially in light of the points you guys are bringing up! Like you guys said, the talking here never stops :-), and it's not often about climate change or contemporary literature...
Also, like you said, the Thai are never serious --- until they make it serious.
The gay fur can always start flying :-).
That might be why I haven't made friends with Thai people.
It might also have something to do with judgment, perhaps my own. I'm a little rough on them because I somehow imagine they're rough on me :-). That sounds like a negative cycle...
Anyway, the trip to Kanchanaburi was really nice. I stayed at one of the backpacker hostels with the boyfriend, and we both really enjoyed watching the foreigners from abroad. I kind of missed the Americans, "Whoa bro," "tight," and "peace out" and all that :0).
They played their guitar and smoked some pot. I read my book, and the boyfriend watched some kind of strange Thai woman selling a vat full of yellowish water to TV Channel 8 consumers.
Supposedly the water is good for the skin (a very healthy glow) and cleaning your bathroom...
Who knew?
We probably are in the Honeymoon faze, and the hard work will eventually begin. Right now though, we just walk around, hold each other's shoulders in crowds, bargain with the local jade dealer (I can feel Chinese luck coming), and share an ice cream cone.
Things are pretty good :-).
Thanks for the comments guys, hope you have a nice week :-) XOXOXO
teacher/student relationships: my dear old dad's advice "never sh** where you eat" its good advice lol
ReplyDeleteThat was very interesting to read!
ReplyDeleteThanks :-)!
ReplyDeleteAre u really Caucasian? Need to work on your writing proficiency.
ReplyDeleteLol, Is this a rhetorical question? Should I dignify with an answer :-P?
ReplyDeleteI will say that my English skills have not improved in Thailand. Sometimes reading my own writing gives me a headache :-P.
Various reasons why travelers travels, for some time alone or with partners away stress of everyday life.
ReplyDeleteRio Pousadas